song

when me and nate had been dating about 6 months i wrote this song. it doesn't have a title yet and i never really set it to music but when i read it- it's got it's own little tune, so to me it's more of a song than a poem.

if you could see inside my head
you might get lost- just like i did
cuz nothing's where you'd think it'd be
and im having trouble finding me

we would sleep all day and talk all night
and when you tried to leave- i'd put up a fight
i could stare at you til dawn's first light
begging you to hold me tight
and i'd kiss you, i'd kiss you with all my might
whisperin', gigglin', feeling so right

if you could see inside my heart
it's like an engine that wouldn't start
cuz i got stuck, i got stuck on you
and i'm having trouble getting thru

we would sleep all day and talk all night
and when you tried to leave- i'd put up a fight
i could stare at you til dawn's first light
begging you to hold me tight
and i'd kiss you, i'd kiss you with all my might
whisperin', gigglin', feeling so right

if you could see inside my soul
i'm sure it's anything but dull
cuz you've ignited something in me
and i'm having trouble setting it free

we would sleep all day and talk all night
and when you tried to leave- i'd put up a fight
i could stare at you til dawn's first light
begging you to hold me tight
and i'd kiss you, i'd kiss you with all my might
whisperin', gigglin', feeling so right

so look me in the eye and tell me this is real
take me by the hand and show me what you feel
you better promise me that you'll always stay
cuz it'd be impossible to find another way

wants

when i was about 16 i started a journal where i just listed all the things i'd ever want to do or be. whenever i think of something else i wanna do i just add it to the list. it's been fun to look back and see what i've accomplished and then there are some things that i'm like- "uh . . . why would i wanna do that?" ha ha anyways just thought i'd share some things i've done and have yet to do.

•  laugh so hard it hurts
• feel good about the decisions i'm making
• dance til i feel like fainting
• jump in big puddles
• be more forgiving
• know what it feels like to be in love
• go to a fortune teller
• wear a tutu [thanks michelle!]
• go out one night wearing extreme makeup- just for fun
• paint
• go to the circus
• marry my best friend {later i have written: marry nate}
• jump rope
• attend the temple more often
• finish reading the bible
• own rubber rain boots
• go through the temple for myself
• be a poet

and now for some of the things i still want to do:

• travel by train (and just travel in general)
• learn to speak french, italian, and portuguese fluently
• visit at least all the temples in utah
• learn how to crochet
• become a better cook
• go to new york times square on new year's eve
• serve a mission
• be able to sleep without my blanky [i'm getting there! :)]
• have motivation to work out and be more healthy
• go skydiving, surfing, parachuting, sailing, snowboarding, bungee jumping, and canoeing {i feel like those all kinda go together}
• ride in a hot air balloon
• become a sports fan
• be a better friend
• raise a family
• go to a broadway play
• climb the eiffel tower
• learn to drive a stick shift

there are so many other things i want to do/be/have, but it'd take to long too type them all up and you'd probably stop reading ha ha.

i think i feel like all my life i have been shy and insecure. so, some things that i have to constantly work on are being a little more brave, standing up for myself, and learning to love and accept myself, to choose to be happy, to not be afraid of what others think, and to trust myself more, to let go of regrets and defeat satan. but i think that's what life is kinda about- i don't think i will ever be completely satisfied with myself, but if i was i guess that would mean i was done trying to be better and that just doesn't seem right to me. i hope i will always have goals, wishes, desires, and a passion to learn new things.

unimpressed

i'm waiting to be extremely impressed

issues resolved before they're addressed

but everything just feels a mess

i'm starting to care less and less 

i'm brushing my teeth with extra white toothpaste crest

i'm putting myself thru an obstacle test 

failing and failing, i retry, need rest

gotta get so many things off my chest

i'm ok alone, but not really i guess

it's getting harder to listen so i might just say yes

press

my dress

curls caressed

then you confess

i've been repressed

depress this test

to unimpress

address the mess

before you guess

i add and add- just equals less 

                                        stress, detest

                                        you're not the best 

                            yes, oh yes, i'm unimpressed

psst! this poem was pre-nate, but i still think it's fun

Amelie Soundtrack

years ago, my sister brought me the amelie soundtrack from her mission in spain. i loved that cd so much but it's been misplaced and i haven't seen it in forever :( the other night i was thinking about it and how much i missed it and decided to get on youtube to see if i could find any of the songs. i was successful! most of the songs don't have words- just really pretty music. there's one song on there i absolutely love, tho. i just wanted to share the lyrics with you. but if you have a minute you should look it up and listen to it.

     "Guilty"       

by Al Bowlly

Is it a sin, is it a crime
Loving you, dear, like I do?
If it's a crime, then I'm guilty
Guilty of loving you

Maybe I'm wrong
Dreaming of you
Dreaming the lonely night through
If it's a crime, then I'm guilty
Guilty of dreaming of you

What can I do
What can I say
After I've taken the blame?
You say you're through
You'll go your way
But I'll always feel just the same

Maybe I'm right
Maybe I'm wrong
Loving you, dear, like I do
If it's a crime, then I'm guilty
Guilty of loving you

. . . . . . . . Lemons & Limes . . . . . . . .

you are such a {delight} at times

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

we go together like lemons and limes

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

yes, i think you're quite GRAND

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

love it when you hold my hand

. . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

my favorite is when we kiss

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

close my eyes & I find bliss

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

and when i LOOK into your eyes

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .

always gives me butterflies

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

so, guess what- i'll tell you [1] more time...

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

i'm oh so glad you're mine, ALL mine

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 moonbeams and summer dreams

stay near, right here

hold my hand and kiss me slow

i don't care if you don't go

whisper once, whisper twice

twice is nice, like flavored ice

melting like the way i do

i come undo because of you

*********** dream state ***********

i'm still in bed

***

just let me be

***

dreaming here

***

sleeplessly

***

i'll dream of you

***

i'll dream of me

***

and everything in between

***