wants

when i was about 16 i started a journal where i just listed all the things i'd ever want to do or be. whenever i think of something else i wanna do i just add it to the list. it's been fun to look back and see what i've accomplished and then there are some things that i'm like- "uh . . . why would i wanna do that?" ha ha anyways just thought i'd share some things i've done and have yet to do.

•  laugh so hard it hurts
• feel good about the decisions i'm making
• dance til i feel like fainting
• jump in big puddles
• be more forgiving
• know what it feels like to be in love
• go to a fortune teller
• wear a tutu [thanks michelle!]
• go out one night wearing extreme makeup- just for fun
• paint
• go to the circus
• marry my best friend {later i have written: marry nate}
• jump rope
• attend the temple more often
• finish reading the bible
• own rubber rain boots
• go through the temple for myself
• be a poet

and now for some of the things i still want to do:

• travel by train (and just travel in general)
• learn to speak french, italian, and portuguese fluently
• visit at least all the temples in utah
• learn how to crochet
• become a better cook
• go to new york times square on new year's eve
• serve a mission
• be able to sleep without my blanky [i'm getting there! :)]
• have motivation to work out and be more healthy
• go skydiving, surfing, parachuting, sailing, snowboarding, bungee jumping, and canoeing {i feel like those all kinda go together}
• ride in a hot air balloon
• become a sports fan
• be a better friend
• raise a family
• go to a broadway play
• climb the eiffel tower
• learn to drive a stick shift

there are so many other things i want to do/be/have, but it'd take to long too type them all up and you'd probably stop reading ha ha.

i think i feel like all my life i have been shy and insecure. so, some things that i have to constantly work on are being a little more brave, standing up for myself, and learning to love and accept myself, to choose to be happy, to not be afraid of what others think, and to trust myself more, to let go of regrets and defeat satan. but i think that's what life is kinda about- i don't think i will ever be completely satisfied with myself, but if i was i guess that would mean i was done trying to be better and that just doesn't seem right to me. i hope i will always have goals, wishes, desires, and a passion to learn new things.

unimpressed

i'm waiting to be extremely impressed

issues resolved before they're addressed

but everything just feels a mess

i'm starting to care less and less 

i'm brushing my teeth with extra white toothpaste crest

i'm putting myself thru an obstacle test 

failing and failing, i retry, need rest

gotta get so many things off my chest

i'm ok alone, but not really i guess

it's getting harder to listen so i might just say yes

press

my dress

curls caressed

then you confess

i've been repressed

depress this test

to unimpress

address the mess

before you guess

i add and add- just equals less 

                                        stress, detest

                                        you're not the best 

                            yes, oh yes, i'm unimpressed

psst! this poem was pre-nate, but i still think it's fun

Amelie Soundtrack

years ago, my sister brought me the amelie soundtrack from her mission in spain. i loved that cd so much but it's been misplaced and i haven't seen it in forever :( the other night i was thinking about it and how much i missed it and decided to get on youtube to see if i could find any of the songs. i was successful! most of the songs don't have words- just really pretty music. there's one song on there i absolutely love, tho. i just wanted to share the lyrics with you. but if you have a minute you should look it up and listen to it.

     "Guilty"       

by Al Bowlly

Is it a sin, is it a crime
Loving you, dear, like I do?
If it's a crime, then I'm guilty
Guilty of loving you

Maybe I'm wrong
Dreaming of you
Dreaming the lonely night through
If it's a crime, then I'm guilty
Guilty of dreaming of you

What can I do
What can I say
After I've taken the blame?
You say you're through
You'll go your way
But I'll always feel just the same

Maybe I'm right
Maybe I'm wrong
Loving you, dear, like I do
If it's a crime, then I'm guilty
Guilty of loving you

. . . . . . . . Lemons & Limes . . . . . . . .

you are such a {delight} at times

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

we go together like lemons and limes

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

yes, i think you're quite GRAND

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

love it when you hold my hand

. . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

my favorite is when we kiss

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

close my eyes & I find bliss

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

and when i LOOK into your eyes

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . .

always gives me butterflies

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

so, guess what- i'll tell you [1] more time...

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

i'm oh so glad you're mine, ALL mine

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 moonbeams and summer dreams

stay near, right here

hold my hand and kiss me slow

i don't care if you don't go

whisper once, whisper twice

twice is nice, like flavored ice

melting like the way i do

i come undo because of you

*********** dream state ***********

i'm still in bed

***

just let me be

***

dreaming here

***

sleeplessly

***

i'll dream of you

***

i'll dream of me

***

and everything in between

***

...................................................... summer ........................................................

flowers and butterflies 

sunshine in my eyes 

birds singing in the trees 

the buzzing sound of bumble bees 

barefoot in the grass 

lazily the time will pass 

rope swings 

and frivolous things 

a star-filled night 

summer's finally in sight

me

dramatic, deep-indulged, dependent,
innocently invigorating, irrationally irritating
shockingly sarcastic, shamefully sweet
anxiously an angel, acutely artistic
little, lady, likely not to lie
bashful, blissful, bewildered, bright, and boring
wild, whimsical, wistful, and wishing
i am neat, naive, and nearly a night-owl
thrilled, thorough, and thinking (always) thinking  
collectively crazed, compulsively calm
compassionate, caring and consistent
flushed, fluttered, frustratingly flirtatious
contagious, outrageous-ly
understanding, overwhelmed (understatement)
unin-tension-ally dis-funk-tional :)

intro & dream jobs

so, i've been kinda thinking a lot about my dreams and wishes and future goals and things... i'm kinda a private person. i keep a lot of things to myself. i think it's because i am a little afraid that if people knew too much about me they could use it to hurt me. i've decided i'm not gonna care anymore :) in this blog i'm just gonna share my insides. sounds weird, well- i'll confess- i'm totally weird sometimes.

my ultimate dream job would definitely be being the best mom i could be. i wanna be a good mom so bad. i'm trying hard to learn and develop skills that would help me when that time comes. however, i'm still like the worst cook ever ha ha. i love cutting hair and the main reason i decided to pursue that occupation was because i knew it was something i could do from home so i wouldn't have to leave my kids if i needed to work. there are so many other things i wanna do tho. here are a few of my other dream jobs:

fashion designer

interior decorator

photographer

magazine editor

elementary school teacher

nurse/medical assistant

poet

short story author

artist

children's book illustrator

songwriter

child psychologist

bookstore attendant

librarian

hotel maid

florist

personal assistant

flight attendant