So Thankful For So Much:

  I am thankful for my body 

and that I have all my limbs and function properly. 

I am thankful for ears that hear and eyes that see 

(and contact lenses that help me see more clearly).

I am thankful for modern medicine, flushing toilets, household appliances, and clean drinking water.

I'm thankful for a working dishwasher, for kind neighbors and caring friends, and a bed to sleep in.

I'm thankful that I have clothes and shoes and coats and gloves.

I'm thankful for our home and a garage to keep our cars in.

Thankful that we have two working cars.

I'm thankful for my job and for Nate's job also.

I'm thankful for the scriptures 

and the experiences those people 

went thru in order for us to have them. 

I'm thankful for a living prophet. 

 I'm so thankful that I have the Holy Ghost 

as my constant companion. 

I'm thankful for the temple and the covenants 

I've made there with my Heavenly Father.

  

I am eternally thankful for a loving Heavenly Father 

who knows me and my potential.

 I'm thankful for a sweet husband who takes care of me 

and loves me unconditionally. 

I'm thankful for my testimony 

and the knowledge I have of the gospel. 

I'm thankful for family- for their love and support. 

I am truly blessed with so many things in my life- I know at times some of these things get taken advantage of or I forget how much I really have. I'm thankful for holidays that help remind me of how blessed I am- although I should count my blessings a lot more than once a year. I feel like holidays-especially Christmas- has become so commercialized and materialistic that people forget what it's really all about. If everyone donated all the money they would have spent for Christmas [not just gifts but lights, decorations, food, etc...] to the poor and needy I would bet that would be a pretty good chunk of money. It makes me sad to think that there are people out there who don't have a bed to sleep in or shoes to keep their feet warm- thousands of people who don't have clean water to drink :( and here I am taking 30 min showers. I really am so grateful to have as much as I do and I hope that I can try harder to not take it for granite and appreciate more.

I'm thankful that I was brought up in the church 

and that both mine and Nate's families are close.

I'm thankful for the plan of salvation. 

I am so thankful for Christ and His atonement 

and that I've come to understand a portion of it 

-that it does not only cover my sins 

but also any physical, mental, 

or emotional pain as well- 

that it wasn't just for me or just the people I love and care about- but for anyone who chooses to accept it

[in this life or the next]. 

Heavenly Father loves us so much 

He has figured out every way possible to help us get back to Him -if we don't get there- 

there is no one to blame but ourselves. 

Because of that I'm thankful for my free agency. 

I'm thankful 

{and a little flattered}

that my Heavenly Father trusts me enough 

to let me make my own choices.  

Happy Thanksgiving!

then & there to here & now

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

i sleep alone

but every night i think of you 

and in my dreams 

i wander down your avenue

i wake up

wishing that you had a clue

and all my days 

i wonder what i should do

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

and if i cry myself to sleep tonight

i hope you know it's not because of you

and all the things you failed to do

i just can't give anymore

and what i've got not's enough

i think i'm carrying around too much stuff

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

so i shake it off and count to ten

wait till i can breathe again

push it to the back of my mind

try to let myself unwind

forget what was said, forget how i feel

almost wish loving you didn't have to be real

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

i look at you and

wonder what you see

when you're staring 

back at me

1, 2, 3 & 4

i won't worry 

anymore

cuz worry worry

thoughts a flurry

you got me here

i ain't going

nowheres, dear

 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

these were all poems i wrote while me and nate were dating. i know they are kinda sad, but i feel like anything worth having is worth fighting for. never in my life had i wanted anything more than to be with nate forever. in that two and a half year span there were definitely some low points but neither of us ever gave up on each other and i think it helped our relationship become stronger {and me much much more patient}. i think if everything had always been super perfect it wouldn't have felt real.

i dunno if this is totally weird but i'm grateful for those struggles- everything we went thru helped us to get to where we are now. and yes, life {in general} is still not perfect, but nate is so perfect for me and i love that we are in it together. when we were dating i used to always say, "nate, let's go on an adventure! let's go exploring!" and i feel like that's what we've been able to do together- explore life and have our own little adventures . . . and maybe no one else would think anything about our lives are extra special but to me any time i get to spend with nate is so wonderful, exciting, and adventurous :)

think~think~thinking

This morning I couldn't go back to sleep after Nate left for work. I feel like my mind is on overdrive- thinking way too much about things I have no {or mostly no} control over. I think I'm really good at doing that when I can't fall asleep. Here's just a few things I was thinking... perhaps you'll find them amusing:

• trying to think of more ways to help my hair grow faster (I'm already brushing it a lot, massaging my scalp, taking certain vitamins... but really what else can you do but wait?)
• thinking about how I like to post my poems on here but I haven't actually written anything new for a long time
• birthdays, thanksgiving, christmas
• family & how much my little nieces and nephew have grown
• what to wear & how to style my hair today
• about Facebook & if I should delete my account (I think I spend too much time on there sometimes... I used to check it maybe[?] once a week & now I feel weird if I go a whole day without checking it- I don't like feeling that addiction/dependancy or whatever you wanna call it)
• about how I go thru phases of not caring what people think about me and then all of a sudden I can be super self-conscious 
• how I need to figure out a better work out schedule otherwise it's not going to become a habit like it should
• thinking of how much I love to wear nate's sweats, socks, & baggy long sleeve shirts to bed
• about how much I hate the cold & winter time- holidays & birthdays do help quite a bit but i already miss the sun & it's warmth so much :(
• crafts & projects I'm working on
• plans: weekend plans, after work plans, lunch plans, birthday plans, holiday plans, future plans, vacation plans.... {Did I get all the right days off at work? Is Nate taking the fast bus to his parents' house that day? What time do we need to be there?} Ya know & all that jazz that comes with any types of plans
• how I am in desperate need of a manicure & pedicure
• how I wish I had more time to paint
• wish I had more time in general (when you're grown up time just seems to speed up)
• how badly I need to find a good chiropractor in the area
• that movie Alice in Wonderland ~we watched it for the first time the other night- I liked it~ ya know that part where she says, "Some days I think 6 impossible things before breakfast..."? ha ha that's what I was thinking about this morning
• how I need to catch up in my one journal (I'm at the part where me & Nate have started dating & I've told him I love him but we're only about 2 months into it... so I'm like almost 3.5 years behind :( & so much good stuff has happened since then!)
• how bad of a day yesterday was & now it's thursday- my favorite day of the week :)
• hoping I feel better today but acknowledging that my sore throat is still present 
• about things I need to work on/be better at doing

I'm probably forgetting a few things but still- that's quite a bit to think about between 5:30am & now (it's 7:30am- time to get ready for work- already know what i'm gonna wear ha ha). I think I think more in the early morning than at any other time of the day -sometimes the middle of the night too- hate it when that happens... as much fun as it is to think & rethink the things you've already thought about I'd really rather just sleep & not worry so much, HOWEVER... my mind doesn't always work that way :) 

some older poems

i'll get over you

like a bad habit

i'll forget you like

yesterday's news                                            

i'll dismiss you

like the bell for class

and i'll leave you alone

like i never cared

leave you alone

cuz i never dared  

leave you alone

cuz i'm a little scared                                                                                                                 

                     4:26 am. migraine headache

                             you are the one    

                          trapped in my head

                          pounding to get out 

                            stupid toothpaste   

                            i use it everyday

                  relieved it doesn't taste like you 

                   wish i could get you outta me 

                     i'd throw up a million times   

                      if i thought it'd set me free

                                rolling tears 

                       my eyes, the very hue of         

                       your favorite color, grow

                       lighter as the color slips

                    out & slides down my face

      

                                                    i'm getting rid of     

                                                     thoughts of you        

                                                 disappointment stuck 

                                                          like glue

                                                     cuz there were           

                                               things you never asked              

                                                        living a lie,                      

                                                 my feelings masked...

                                                    i've finally found  

                                                    the words to say:    

                                                  i don't need a friend          

                                                                    like you anyway.