side note

       I've written several poems about Nate- during different stages of our relationship and they are so special to me because I love him like I've never loved anyone else. However, a lot of poems I have were written long before I met Nate. I think I started writing when I was about 15. It is such a release for me. I tend to hold my emotions in and then explode later, so writing it all out helps immensely. A lot of my earlier stuff is kinda sad or angry. Ya know how it is during those teenage years when you think no one understands and you're a weirdo for feeling the way you do? Ha ha, yeah I got lots of poems like that.

       I also think I wrote at least one poem for every guy I ever really liked. Even though I don't have those feelings now it's fun to read things I wrote a while ago because I capture so clearly the things I felt at that moment. I feel like maybe when I have kids and they are going through things and think I'll never understand I can pull out some of my poems and say, "Ha read this! See? I do know what you're going though." Life isn't perfect. No one is happy all the time. Everyone makes mistakes. And I think that's the beauty of it: to be able to look back and see how far you've come, to see that you've made it through, and you've changed because of it.

       There are a few poems that I've re-read from when I had my very first crush and they are so hilarious. It feels so good to know that I've matured from that moment. And there are others that are desperately sad and I'm so glad I found a way to get through those hard times. Maybe it'll help me to know that when future problems/hardships arrive I'll get through them, too. Anyways, just wanted to give ya a little insight because I think the next few poems I'll post will be pre-Nate. It's not because I'm unhappy where I'm at, and it's not because I wish things were different. It's simply because these poems are full of real emotions I felt at that time and I love the wordplay or rhymes I used to express it.

       I don't have regrets; I don't feel sorry for the things I've felt. I believe I am the person I am now because of my experiences- good and bad. Without them I just wouldn't be the same. And I'm really beginning to like the person I'm becoming :) I just hope I will never settle with myself because I know there is always room for improvement.