some older poems

i'll get over you

like a bad habit

i'll forget you like

yesterday's news                                            

i'll dismiss you

like the bell for class

and i'll leave you alone

like i never cared

leave you alone

cuz i never dared  

leave you alone

cuz i'm a little scared                                                                                                                 

                     4:26 am. migraine headache

                             you are the one    

                          trapped in my head

                          pounding to get out 

                            stupid toothpaste   

                            i use it everyday

                  relieved it doesn't taste like you 

                   wish i could get you outta me 

                     i'd throw up a million times   

                      if i thought it'd set me free

                                rolling tears 

                       my eyes, the very hue of         

                       your favorite color, grow

                       lighter as the color slips

                    out & slides down my face

      

                                                    i'm getting rid of     

                                                     thoughts of you        

                                                 disappointment stuck 

                                                          like glue

                                                     cuz there were           

                                               things you never asked              

                                                        living a lie,                      

                                                 my feelings masked...

                                                    i've finally found  

                                                    the words to say:    

                                                  i don't need a friend          

                                                                    like you anyway.

one, two, and three

My mind is a maze 

Arrayed in a craze 

Cuz my thoughts and views 

Often get confused 

See, I feel quite a lot 

With this heart that I've got 

So I wish and I hope 

I try and I cope 

And I pray I don't break 

Despite all the ache 

But I'm learning anew 

Not only to think but to do 

And I'm counting to three 

Cuz I just need to breathe

. . . . . . . 

But starting off with Him every day 

Makes life so much better than okay 

And when I'm tired and feel caught 

I think of the words that He taught

And I know He sees inside- 

That I try what's right when I decide 

Even when life is tart . . . 

Need to be positive

 Cuz this is just the start :)

marriage takes three

Last Sunday, I was at my parent's home for a little while. We were trying to decide on bridesmaid's dresses for my little sister's wedding. It's kinda fun because she gets married about a month after our anniversary- and they are getting married in the same temple we did (Draper). Also, Nate's brother is getting married the day after them and in that temple also ha ha. We are so excited for both of them :)

Right before I left there Sunday, my sweet Grandma Lybbert handed me (and I'm guessing my other sisters) this beautiful poem. With our anniversary this Friday and weddings coming up it was a great reminder to center our lives around Christ and how that will strengthen a marriage.

Marriage Takes Three

I once thought marriage took

Just two to make a go

But now I am convinced

It takes the Lord also

And not one marriage fails

Where Christ is asked to enter

As lovers come together

With Jesus at the center

But marriage seldom thrives

And homes are incomplete

Till He is welcomed there

To help avoid defeat

In homes where Christ is first

It's obvious to see

Those unions really work

For marriage still takes three

~Joan Welch 

I am so grateful for my all my family. We are so blessed to have loving, caring, and supportive family- on both sides. I'm so grateful that the Gospel is an important part in our lives and that we can be with our families forever.

I'm so grateful for my patient and loving husband- he is so sweet. It's been a wonderful year- with ups and downs, many many laughs and a few struggles. But I wouldn't want it any other way. Last night Me and Nate were talking about little ways we've both changed in the last year and they were all positive things! (Maybe we we're both just being extra nice ha ha) It was fun though to look back and see how we've grown together. 

I'm excited to get started on our second year of marriage. I feel a little more prepared for any challenges that may come. It's fun to think where we might be a year from now- or 2 or 5 or 10. I'm just so glad to have Nate by my side and ya know- it's just fun to know we have the rest of forever to be with each other and create more memories and have limitless adventures. 

I think the poem above helped me to remember that hard times will come- but if we continue to do what's right- the Lord will always be there to help us and guide us. I have faith in the future because of that knowledge. 

sometimes i'm a little clingy :)

{this morning i had such a hard time letting nate leave for work and at 5:20 am being 1/2 asleep i think it seemed like the worst possible thing. anyways, after he left i couldn't go back to sleep . . . i was thinking about him and hurried and jotted this poem down. after that i was out - almost slept thru all 3 of my alarms ha ha}

when you look at me, i feel like you can see inside 

and i know it'd be so foolish for me to try to hide 

but i like it- yes, i do . . .  

i'm not ever getting over you 

you hold me long, you kiss me sweet 

and somehow all my fears you defeat 

and when you make me smile- 

it's like the world's on pause for a little while 

let's just stay in this place 

you know i love your handsome face 

isn't it neat? isn't grand- 

that i will always get to hold your hand? 

can't believe your all mine 

and life is sweet and so splendidly fine. 

i've decided i truly lucked out, 

cuz you make me so happy and that's what love's about :) 

believe

i believe in dreaming. i believe in sunsets and rainbows. i believe in butterfly kisses and hot afternoons. i believe in bubbles and making wishes. 

i believe in being honest and passionate.

i believe in singing. i believe in being me. i believe in tickle wars and pillow fights. i believe in giving chances and stealing second glances at something that catches my eye. i believe in winking and blowing kisses. i believe in compliments. i believe in constructive criticism.

i believe in laughter.

i believe in late night phone calls. i believe in shooting stars and wishing wells. i believe in freckles and padded bras. i believe in stripes and polka dots. i believe in teddy bears. i believe in seat belts and toothpaste, straight teeth, and long passionate kisses. 

i believe in being in love.

i believe in sharing and caring and doing what's right. i believe in alarm clocks and calendars. i believe in shoes and lip gloss. i believe in deodorant, dresses, puddles, campfires, and fresh cut grass in the summertime. i believe in keychains and rubber bands, red pens, and bobby pins. 

i believe in writing what you feel and i believe in saying what you think. 

I BELIEVE IN GOD.

i believe in long naps, climbing trees, picking dandelions, and dancing when no one is watching. i believe in superstition and intuition, revelation, inspiration. i believe in being modest- in thought and dress. i believe in standing up for something. 

i believe in goals and i believe in causes.

i believe in fuzzy slippers and fluffy pillows, picnic blankets, shady trees, being frivolous and just silly things. i believe in hairspray and dryer sheets. i believe in being feminine. 

i believe in unforgettable moments.

i believe in knowing what you want and going after it. i believe in contact solution, lucky pennies, old musicals, and poofy dresses. 

i believe in being maturely immature.

 i believe in breakfast, kitty cats, and welcome mats. i believe in back porch swings and pink lemonade. i believe in sunrises, surprises, cherry blossoms, daisies, lilacs and lilies, dragon snaps and pansies, tulips and roses. i believe in photographs, love notes, journal entries, handmade sail boats, wind chimes and butterflies.

i believe in losing track of time.

i believe in being on time. i believe in flats, flirting, and chocolate frosting. i believe in natural beauty. i believe in having a plan B.

i believe in color and i believe in heaven.

i believe in good intentions. i believe in being loyal. i believe in dressing up. i believe in warm, comfy pj's. i believe in good friends. i believe in being accepting. 

i believe in angels.

i believe in personal space. i believe in classy PDA. i believe in good manners. i believe in being kind. i believe in being barefoot. i believe in lazy sunday afternoons. i believe in being daring and adventurous.

  

i believe in the power of the priesthood.

i believe in compromise, except when it comes to your values. i believe that for every choice there is a consequence- whether good or bad. 

i believe in creating peace.

i believe in the power of self-control and determination. i believe some things are not meant to be understood. i believe in rain boots and thunderstorms. i believe in dream catchers. 

i believe God knows all.

i believe in treating others the way you would like to be treated. i believe in morning snuggles and i believe in midnight snacks. i believe in positive thinking. 

i believe in being a thinker and a doer. 

i believe in doing things without seeking a reward. i believe in prayer. i believe in music and dancing. i believe in willpower.  i believe in motherhood and i believe in making memories. i believe in sit-down  family dinners. i believe in eating slowly. i believe in letting go and moving on. i believe in taking it all in. i believe in learning new things. i believe in embracing chaos. 

i believe that there is power in believing in something 

{whether or not it is truly important doesn't matter, because}

 i believe my beliefs make up who i am. 

regret

In the dictionary the word REGRET has a few meanings:

A. "to mourn the loss or death of"
B. "to miss very much"
C. "to feel very sorry for"

Weird.  I guess I never really thought about it much in those ways.  And I'm not sure people really use 'regret' like that.  For example: when Nate is gone, sometimes I miss him very much- but would I say, "Oh, Nate, how I regret you." ???  Um, no- it just sounds wrong ha ha.

Ya know, it's not really a word I use that often- maybe I've always used it incorrectly . . .  but I wanna talk about my definition:

"wish I hadn't done that"

or I think more correctly:

"because of actions I did or didn't take I now feel upset with myself and have a hard time not thinking what I would have done differently- it's hard to let go."

Yes, that's exactly how I view regret.  Sure, there are some things I've felt that way towards but many of those experiences I've learned something from so it makes it worth it.  I remember reading a quote once that said something like:

[it is not the mistakes we make 

that determine who we are, 

but how we deal with them].

I think that's so true and maybe it is also because I believe so firmly in the power of repentance.  That even if we do make awful mistakes, because of Christ's atonement we have the opportunity to express our regret and take the appropriate steps towards repentance and be forgiven of those things.  Isn't that amazing?  I love it!  And I love that there is no limit to it.  It applies to all sins or regrets, big or small.  And then it goes beyond that and can heal you and help you move on.  Those sins, regrets, internal struggles are lifted and you no longer need to "feel sorry".  Because of sincere repentance, it no longer matters.  I'm not saying that consequences will be removed but the Lord will help you through them. 

I think it is safe for me to say that the one thing I truly regret is not listening or following the Holy Ghost when I've felt it's promptings.  It is there to help us avoid temptations and bad situations, but also to guide us and help us help others.  When we don't follow it I think we are kinda setting ourselves up for failure and regret and I think that most of them time we know that.

I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of the Gospel and of repentance.  I am so grateful for a loving and forgiving Heavenly Father who allows us to have a million second chances if we want to.  But that's the thing- we need to want it, want to be better and continue to deal with our mistakes.  I think once we have that desire it is easier for everything else to work properly {the atonement, repentance, feeling God's love, forgiving yourself... just everything :)}

favorites

About a week ago I asked Nate if he knew what my favorite things were. His response: "Hmmm... reading, sleeping, eating?" Ha ha I was like, "Well- yeah... but I mean things- like items."  He said, "Oh, that's hard- you're not very materialistic." (which is true) We then both threw out a few things that could possibly count. It's funny cuz ever since then I've been thinking...."What ARE my most favorite things?" This is what I decided on:

NATE

[of course :)] I love pretty much everything about him and anything that includes him (kissing, snuggling, just hanging out, etc . . .)

GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES 

total comfort food mmm . . .

LONG SOCKS

i hate short socks- they have to go like clear up to my knees ha ha or else they just drive me crazy

THE TEMPLE 

so amazing. the end

JUICY FRUIT 

not the gum ha ha but like actual fruit that is juicy. i crave it all the time!

BOOKS 

i'm not picky. i love to read- it's like escaping into a different world

MY BLANKY 

:) i'm trying not to think of when i won't be able to sleep with it anymore ha ha i know i'm such a baby

EASTER DRESSES

ok, so i love dresses in general BUT there is just something special about getting a pretty spring dress around Easter time

RED LIPSTICK 

i think personality wise i'm not a really BOLD person. i don't take a lot of risks so it's kinda fun to wear bold makeup- i mean really- what are you risking? you can wash it off at the end of the day

MY SCRIPTURES

i love that i have my own and can mark them up and write little notes and things in them. reading someone elses' scriptures just wouldn't be the same.

SWIMSUITS

ha i think i have at least 8 different ones . . . nate has one. they are so fun tho

FIREWORKS

just so pretty and magical- they take my breath away

MUSIC

i LOVE music! it can be so uplifting and just make me feel good all over

CURLY HAIR

curls can be kinda flirty or more formal, they can be just fun or super glam and feminine. and there are so many different styles you can do with them.  i love that my hair holds curl so well. i think it looks better curly vs. straight. i also love that i've got such an awesome curling iron :)

OLD MUSICALS

they are just feel good movies

There are other things that are my favorite but I can't really say why. Maybe it's just apart of who I am. Like wearing an apron when I cook or wearing my rain boots in the rain, doing a friend's hair or counting my tips at the end of the day, Sunday mornings, wearing Nate's clothes, singing in the shower, spending time with family, setting goals, writing Nate little love notes, driving with the windows down and the music up, catching up with a friend, learning something new . . . I know there's probably more but I think that mostly covers it :)